Funny Thread :D

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Funny Thread :D

Post  Kevin Conner on Thu Mar 13, 2008 10:33 am

post your funnies here Very Happy

AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING
WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF.

2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

3. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

4. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

5. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

6. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

7. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

8. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

DAILY THOUGHTS:
--SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

--REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM.

Kevin Conner
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Re: Funny Thread :D

Post  Potato on Thu Mar 13, 2008 11:04 pm

i love them! Quotes (me):


"anyone got a hammer?"

"LLAMAS!"

"I'm not racist, I hate everyone equally."
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Re: Funny Thread :D

Post  HyperTrouble on Wed Apr 16, 2008 8:05 am

Stupid people O.o

So I was calling to order a pizza ,with the menu in
hand, i order a large pizza with ground beef, bacon,
and extra cheese and the girl on the phone says "oh
I'm sorry we don't have any ground beef" so i say "but
here on the menu it says you have hamburger" and she
responds "Oh well we have hamburger!" So i said ok
I'll take the hamburger instead of the ground beef
then. She says no problem!
====================
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get
rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and
hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want
it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat there
without even one person looking twice at it. He
eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of
this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he
changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50." The
next day someone stole it.
====================
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real
estate agent which direction was north because, he
explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every
morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?"
When my brother explained that the sun rises in the
east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and
said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."
====================
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call
center. One day I got a call from an individual who
asked what hours the call center was open. I told him,
"The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day,
7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or
Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I
said, "Uh, Pacific"
====================
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our
cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative
assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her
weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a
convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned
because the car was moving"
====================
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's
designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets
trapped. She keeps it in the trunk
====================
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that
the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big
party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2
times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.
====================
I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman
with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain.
My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time
she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose
and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which
way the head is turned.
====================
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage
area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told
the woman there that my bags never showed up. She
smiled and told me not to worry because she was a
trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now,"
she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"
====================
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man
ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone
and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4
pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before
responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think
I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.

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Re: Funny Thread :D

Post  Kevin Conner on Thu May 01, 2008 2:24 pm

April 1st, 2007 - Presidential Address to the Nation
Presidente George Washingme Bush Addresses Publica
By Iwanna Warez
UAE
Posted: 2008-03-32 25:31:59
Filed Under: HALibmac

Presidente appointed George Washingme Bush addressed the public today, after the White House suffered a "worm" attack. In this address, he claimed that the "Peace of Lasting Nations will suffer more attacks should we fail to address concerns of security on the information internets."
Iran denies claims that it launched the virus assault on the White House, but openly admitted to creating the virus as instructed by the Koran. "We did not launch the attacks." said Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. "But we openly admit to creating the virus as instructed by the Koran."
Translators are unsure what this means, but CIA Analyst Doctor Dover, Ben, has several theories; "What this means is that the Koran is responsible for the thousands of Protesters facing down the Red Army in China. While the Virus was most certainly a construct of Saddam Heussein, you can be sure that Iran does not pose the actual threat. The threat is an Al-Quaeda attack against the sanctity of Jesus, our holy lord and leader resurrect George Bush. All hail our red chief! We begin bombing in 10 minutes."

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When confronted about these statements, the CIA Director left the room. Little much was said by Bush at the conference, but analysts believe that his comments may give us a clue as to current activity in India.

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Pakistan's response to the nuclear detonations by an unknown source were quick. "It is our belief, that the more intoxicated we get our populace, the more value we will hold for the Coors dynasty and thus the Republican Party." Analysts are unsure exactly what this means, but WAL-Street market did boost several hundred points as sales of Coors, and other Beer Corporate sponsors of the Republican Party.

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AOL related news story: Wall Street sold to WAL-MART in vicious gun laden buyout.
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Iran remains baffled at the comments directed toward the embassy, and has reiterated its statement that America is the 'Great Satan'. When asked what all this means for our country, Bush answered: "Stay the course!" Vice War Monger CENSORED BAN ME PLEASE CENSORED Cheney gave his own response with the hottest fiddle contest since he was defeated down in Georgia by a young man named Johnny. When inquired as to the success of his fiddling, Cheney responded "My mistake back then was my vanity of using a golden fiddle, which, in retrospect, gold doesn't sound good when used in an acoustic instrument. Not good at all."

(C)2008 Kevin Conner




For my friends who are unfamiliar with american music:
Charlie Daniels, Devil Went Down to Georgia Lyrics

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